When I Hurt

I’m not hurt, not most of the times or so I say to myself but when I hurt it hurts real bad. There are very few things and very few people who can hurt me. I’m also aware that it’s I who is giving them this heart-shattering power, yet I do. Some of them know to value and keep my heart safe while others juggle is down every alley.

Today I’m hurting again and this is a hurt of a long lost love. I guess I’m over her but only my heart knows what’s the truth. The problem I guess here is with my expectations and I forgot that if you love someone that doesn’t mean that the other person will love you the same. If you remember from your experience you will also know this. In your school days when the person, you called your best friend named someone else as their best friend. It felt bad, but that’s how reality works. Today if someone wise would have to say the same thing he would say, “If you are a vegetarian and won’t eat a lion, that doesn’t mean the lion won’t eat you as well.”

A morning like these are difficult to pass and when work knocks on the door at 10:00 AM sharp and you’ve no currency of productivity to pay. The day feels lost. On such days I touch my keyboard with a little more love and compassion and shed few tears(not really) and calories to type this in.

How does it feel to hurt inside? I sense a burn, a weight in my chest. Then I start to open up the history of my life and see how good it was and how nice it could have been if that person was still there in my life. It will make you feel a little better but then the pain escalates and takes over you. Then I play some relatable songs and make myself not feel lonely.

I think it is this feeling that I’ll be left alone And the space that was filled in my heart has been vacant for so long. I thought I was complete and I had everything, It is then that life tells you that he is the king. When things were perfect I never dreamt of this time, Who would have thought that it would come to this?

The loss is not personal, It’s a loss of faith, Loss of trust and I lost my way.

What hurts is the change in her, The way she looks while I’m still there. What bad did I do to make her this? You goodness was just a fuss or was you always like this?

Did you ever think how bad it can hurt? How deep can it cut? How sad can it be? Did you not think that the fire of your desires will burn me as well? Was it all a show from the very start?

If you feel my questions are sharp, and they cut open your heart. Trust me, my pain has been worse, and what to say of the agony.

I’ll surely forget you and find love in my heart, A good life and the perfect destination for a new start. I’ll forgive you for sure but will you be able to forgive your self?