If life is a miracle on earth, then a child is the miracle of life. A child is often compared to a blank slate and I would say rightly so. It creates a great opportunity but an equally bigger responsibility. A responsibility that lies on us as a society, as a community, as a family, as a parent and then as an individual. The order here is important because the process of writing is involuntary. We can only send this planet through the space of humanity but we cannot guarantee what asteroids and meteors will it attract towards itself. It is too much for one person to influence it.
I met a boy today at the car dealership. He was almost 5 years old, lean, sharp, still curious but the world has started to make him bitter and the closed ones were probably not helping take the taste off. You may ask what was I doing at a dealership? It is a thing that we do as a friend. When friends ring you on the phone, you answer that and just hop on the bike without much knowledge of the destination or the duration. This was one such journey. I myself was ill prepared to visit a dealership but there I was. I walked in through the glass doors and took a seat with the family who was taking a delivery of their car. My role was of an observer and to wait for my friend to wrap up whatever business he had with the family.
While I took a seat and grabbed a bottle of water to find some use of the time. I started looking around. A few things caught my attention. One was all the staff were dressed in nice festive wears as it was an auspicious day of Diwali. Then my attention wandered to child sitting across me on the round table with seven chairs in total. There were a lot of people in between us but it was not such a big table. I could see the face of the boy and that he was pissed about something and I tried to hear what he was complaining to the old man and the lady sitting next to me.
It is funny and a little sad. The kid was unhappy that his grandfather was selling his old car and getting something which is considered a downgrade. And for a 5 year old that deduction was pretty accurate as I would say the exact same thing. It’s even sad when he talks about what will his friend say when he goes to school or play in that car. He wanted to use probably harsher words but I think a kid that small does not know how to express his vulnerabilities. It made me think again about us as a society how we all have been trained to think in similar ways through marketing and messages and ideas. It’s very hard to find two people who would think differently today. As an adult I have the capacity to detach myself and think alternatively but all his conclusions were very similar to what mine would have been in that spot.
Seeing that me and the kid were the only two people little uninterested in the car deal and not busy doing something, I invited him to pull his chair next to me and started a chat. I was surprised at myself and a little proud as well. My native instincts have mostly always been - if a conversation can be avoided then it must be so! Though I’m changing and thus this seems like a good place. I personally like kids more than adults as I find them much more honest and motiveless in their narration.
I started by asking his name and he said that in a slow, under confident tone. Again something that I would have done. I would say he was better than me that he could confidently pull the chair across, more so from the monotony than fondness for the gyan a random dude would unleash upon the little man. I’m also a father of a young boy and I was curious to see where am I headed. We then did the formalities we have been accustomed to as an adult. School, place of living etc and once we were done through that I made a note for myself. That next time I should ask one good question to a child, for every silly question I ask.
Once we were a little warmed up, we brought up the elephant(car) in the room. He was eager and happy to share his opinions. I don’t know what I was trying to do there but my intention were clear. As a father what would I tell to my child in this exact spot. And everything that follows is with that honest intention. Do I know how to parent the best? Hell no! But I’m aware and I’m trying at least. I tried to share what I have learned in 30 years of my life in a way that would have benefited me if I was him. He was clearly able to explain how the older car was good looking, working, bigger, better and costlier. He clearly understood the concept of money and cost, which is a great thing if you need to navigate this capitalistic world. Though I felt he could benefit from a wider world view. It could be a socratic discussion of a kind. I listened to his narration patiently and then I asked him a question.
Pointing to the water bottles in front of us. I asked him which of the bottle would he pick the 200ml, 500ml, 1l, 2l or the 20l jar. He instantly said the 200ml one, bingo! I then asked him if there was a giant which one would he pick and he answered the large jar. Using this as example I tried explaining how a man makes his decisions. He immediately brought the money perspective which I received. Then I suggested that there are more parameters apart from money using which we make our choices. Money is only one of them, albeit important one. I briefly talked about money, requirements, purpose and utility of the car. Tried to give him rational reasons on why the new car made sense for his grandfather. I don’t think he was convinced but I know he listened. I did not expect the little man to change his perspective in one sitting. Though I also feel he understood what I tried to share. The emotions were probably much heavier. Towards the end I felt my details were becoming deeper and the old lady was keenly seeing me. His mother also started looking at us more than the work she was doing at hand. As if a priest were trying to brainwash her child. I thought it’s good that I should stop here and checked with my friend and we were ready to leave. Interesting he was done and was watching to what I was doing.
So I started to get up and leave and had a few moments near the glass door with the kid. He had started to run and play around since our brief friendship was coming to a close. My closing words were to him to try to cheer up. I told him how it was big day for his grandfather and he should be a part of it. I can also feel from the other side as a parent if our kids are unhappy with something we also feel that way. If it were in our power we would do everything to make them happy. At the same time as a man entering the world we need to learn to be empathetic and care about other people as well (in good ways).
We then started our bike and headed back to home. It was one small instance but I hope if it helps the little man in any ways and he would do great stuff. I came home back to my child and this meeting taught me maybe more than I was able to give back to the child.