Therapy had been a buzzword amongst some people I know and on the web. Honestly, I believed it to be a waste of time and money. I gave therapy a try first in 2021, but it was short-lived and not so great. In 2024, I again got curious about the mental health space and started paying more attention to the issues I was facing in my daily life. Things that are regular and normal, but when paid attention to, could be something deep. Some of these may even look silly at first glance, like getting angry when someone questions your choices. After 12 months of work with my therapist, I feel I’ve gained much, and there’s some inner work everyone could do.
In this post, I try to share some of my learning in the last year.
A good therapist is important
Having a good therapist is super important. When you have the right kind of audience, you feel comfortable sharing your embarrassing stories, and it is immensely empowering. The feeling of being understood is relieving. Finding a good therapist takes time, patience, and luck. You need to know when to stick around a little longer and when to move on. For entrepreneurs, you can think of it like working on an idea. You need to know when to persevere and when to move on to the next idea. It is a difficult skill but must be developed.
Most important question to ask
What questions do we generally ask people around?
- How are you?
- How have you been?
- Are you fine?
- …
All these are great questions, but there’s one true question that must be asked to everyone. More importantly, to ourselves.
How do you feel about it?
It is the mind that makes up the world for any individual, and therefore what becomes super important is to ask how it feels in there. When something goes wrong or when they are filled with joy, this one question can do magic. It can amplify the happiness or shatter the mountain of sorrow.
I have evaded this question for such a long time as it can be very uncomfortable. Because now I need to tell my true feelings about an event, I cannot be present to be strong or to be unscathed. I need to answer it with a full understanding of what is happening with me.
Ask this question to yourself more frequently. It can heal the worst of your wounds!
Express what you feel (with kindness)
Life will give you an infinite number of moments that make you feel good and bad. If we brush off the real feeling and say “All is well”, that is probably not a very good long-term strategy. I would call that pushing it under the rug method. It works for immediate relief but cannot take you long. I’ve come to realize we need to build toughness to be able to express ourselves under all situations without fear. What is even more important is how you express your feelings. It can make the whole world of difference.
There will also be times you cannot express something in the heat of the moment, and it is okay to take time to let the mind settle a little before you can rationally deal with the emotion.
The expressing of emotion comes with a lot of side benefits: the other person becomes aware of your feelings (yes, people generally don’t know how you feel about something). They will respect your boundaries better. All you need to do is ensure you deliver it right. To express the feeling of anger, you don’t need to be loud and red-faced. It sounds so simple, but it was rocket science to me.
I read it somewhere - “Choose to be kind if you have to choose between being right and being kind.” I cannot emphasize enough how important kindness is when sharing your feelings. It can open so many doors and take relationships to better places.
Live outside the head
The title might be a little dramatic, but it helps with remembering. All it means to say is that go out and live your life. Face things that you are doubtful about. Do things that you are fearful about. Do things that you are avoiding and do things that you have always wanted to do. How does this help? Therapy can give you the insight, but to internalize the learning, you need practice, and the practice only happens on the field. If you stay in your known territory, you are less likely to face unwanted situations, thus less opportunity to face your demons and train your muscles to deal with them. This is why it is so important to go out and do these things, with awareness.
Do note that there will be days when you will fail and then days when you will be so proud of yourself. Keep reminding yourself that it is a long journey, and the only important things are awareness, retrospection, and trying again.
Closing thoughts
These are the core learnings, but there’s so much more I have discovered and learned. Working on myself has been one of the best decisions I’ve taken. I would like to take a moment to thank my therapist for all the care and counsel I’ve been given. Thank you for all the help. It does make a difference.