My decision to have a child

Having a child is a deeply private matter, and I have never taken it lightly. You are bringing a life into this world, someone to whom you owe everything.

Some people decide not to have children for selfish reasons, and they are not wrong. Some have children for random reasons, and they may end up doing more harm than good. Then there are those who cannot afford not to have children. That is a different conversation.

I’m of the first kind, or at least I used to be. I have a kid, and if you ask me honestly why I had one, I might not have a very good answer.

That’s embarrassing to admit, especially because one day my kid might read this. But none of that changes the fact that I love him more than I love myself.

We all need someone, whome we can love more than ourself - Naval.

Now that you love someone so deeply, you want the best for them. But the best lessons don’t come through preaching. They mostly come through imitation, shaped by the parents and society around us.

That puts me under quite a bit of scrutiny. It also makes raising children a hugely important subject, one we’re never really taught, just like most things that actually matter.

A child is a portal into our own childhood. Through them, we get a chance to live it all over again, to give them the things we wished had been different for us. And somewhere along the way, healing happens for us too.

This, I feel, is one of the strongest reasons to have a child. Having a child is a big, long-term commitment. It is hard, costly, challenging, and testing, all at the same time, for years, often without a break or appreciation. But it also gives us an immense opportunity to work on ourselves and become better versions of who we are. It is a life-changing experience that teaches us so much about unconditional love, walking the talk, self-improvement, responsibility, and letting go.

There are so many ways to mess it up, and I think I finally understand why so many of our parents weren’t perfect. Parenting is a hard job, and there’s no fucking manual to read. Peace and Love.